Southern Comfort

2004-10-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

"I killed my blog"
-me

Hi all!

I ruined my blog and now you can't comment on it. So I took up a new adress:

www.erinpez.blogspot.com

Bye!

2004-10-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

"Watch em run a much, catch em as they fall, never know your luck when its a free-for-all..."
-from Les Miserables

Les Mis is officially over! Can you believe it? It was a really fun experience that I'm glad I had, but I'm also glad to have that time back.

I was totally going to write more, but they guy sitting next to me is sniffing and coughing and gagging and I'm scared to be here.

I just changed my comment settings. I might change them back, cause I think now I have two comment posts. I like the new one because you don't have to log in... we'll see. I'll give it 24 hours.

2004-10-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

"Half of the time we’re gone but we don’t know where..."
-Simon and Garfunkel

My birthday was fun. I got to hang out with the entire library crew, plus Liz, Steph, Jessica, Amber, Daun, and Rachal. It was laid back and fun. Just like me!

We have mucho plans today. Not sure how much of it will actually get done.

I wish I had more time to just hang out with the people in my life. I'm losing touch with alot of them... maybe I just won't sleep anymore. That'll give me some extra time.

2004-10-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

"Loving you the way I do, I know we're gonna make it through..."
-From the Gilmore Girls theme song

Happy 23rd birthday to me!

We had our Grants Pass opening last night, and I got home around midnight. Loro called me when I was in the parking lot waiting for Jake & Company and we had a fun chat. I got home, and opened the "don't open until your birthday" package from my mom, because it was past midnight. It was the Everwood CD! And its great. I love it, I got up early today just so I could listen to the whole thing before work.

I love my mommy. Maybe birthdays should be more about the mom and less about the child, you know? I didn't have to do any work to be born!

So, happy "your youngest daughter's birthday" mommy!

I'm so gosh darn adorable.

2004-10-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

"Well there's one thing to know about this town,
It's five hundred miles underground; and that's alright..."
-Modest Mouse

href="Modest'>http://www.modestmousemusic.com/">Modest Mouse

Okay, sue me. I bought a CD yesterday even though I'm totally broke. But its been months since I got a new CD, AND it was only $7.00. Whatever.

You'll notice my blogs are getting longer. That is because I never have time to e-mail anymore, so this is my attempt at keeping people somewhat up to date with my life.

The CD I bought is a Modest Mouse CD called "Everywhere and his Nasty Parlour Tricks". Oh my god, this CD is rocking my world. Have you ever bought a CD that fits you the same way that an old shirt fits you after you've washed and worn it a million times? I was just sitting on my bed this morning, dreading going to class because I wanted to listen to this CD all day. I'm in love. I'm going to marry it.

I had work off yesterday because I thought I had to be in Grants Pass by 5 PM. Turns out my call wasn't until 8:30, because they don't need the orchestra for the tech part! Yay! A whole afternoon! So I went downtown, which is when I bought my new husband, (the CD), and then I just walked around aimlessly, which is very under-rated. Then I went to a movie... I know, no money, but it was only $5.00, and my birthday is tomorrow, and it is my present to myself. I'm a bad person. But I hadn't spent money in SO long, I REALLY needed it. I saw "Garden State", and it was really good. I reccomend it to everyone. Then I went to Starbucks, (back off, I have a Starbucks card), and drank caramel apple cider when I wrote in my journal. When 6:50 rolled around, I went outside to call Sean so he could come pick me up. But lo and behold, I went outside and there he was pulling up to Starbucks! We trucked off to Grants Pass, and the rehearsal was funny because this orchestra pit is WAY high up compared to the other ones. My head sticks up and I feel totally exposed. It was making me have the giggles. Rehearsal went til a little after midnight, and we got home around 1:30 AM. I was asleep almost immediatly.

I woke up this morning and listened to MY NEW CD. Did I mention I got a new CD? I LOVE NEW CDs! Especially this one. It is just so great. Its mellow, and just all around GOOD.

"mellow and all around good"... its really too bad that I'm not a music critic, with profound reviews like that.

We have our first show in Grants Pass tonight. Tomorrow is my birthday! I have to work 8 hours, but then I'll see Amber and Jessica!

I'm totally stoked.

2004-10-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

"Like anyone else, there are days I feel beautiful and days I don't, and when I don't, I do something about it."
-Cheryl Tiegs

I don't really have anything that I want to say, so I'm copying href="http://ktpez.blogspot.com/">my sister's blog and posting this questionare thing. I always e-mail these to people because I think they're fun, but I'm finding that the majority of my friends don't hold the same opinion. Oh well.

Name THREE of your:

1. Pet Peeves:
Insincerity
People who talk on cell phones in the computer lab
People who don't answer phone messages when you ask them to

2. Favorite Sounds:
Running water, as in nature, not as in kitchen sinks.
Guitar
Any sound that Ernie makes

3. Favorite Kinds of Candy:
Chocolate covered cherries
Dark Chocolate
Chocolate covered raisins (sense a pattern)?

4. Biggest Fears:
Regrets
Something bad happening to my family
Not being able to pursue music

5. Biggest Challenges:
Surviving with the little money that I have
Trusting people
Getting enough sleep...

6. Favorite Department Stores:
Target
Barnes and Noble
Music Warehouse

7. Most Used Words:
Like
Like
Like

8. Favorite Pizza Toppings: (As of last night)!
Mushrooms
Green peppers
Mushrooms

9. Favorite Cartoon Characters:
I've never really liked cartoons, but I felt very bonded with Daria.

10. Movies Recently Watched:
Farenheit 911
Good Will Hunting
Wonder Boys

11. Favorite Fruits: (preferrably dipped in chocolate)
Apples
Strawberries
Bananas

12. Favorite Vegetables:
What is a vegatable?

2004-10-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

"I am not as good as my strongest supporters believe or as I hope to become, nor as bad as my harshest critics assert."
-Bill Clinton

Okay, so I never do more than one blog in a day... but Chopin vodka... yeah.

I'm still at Adam's, we just finished the movie. After that great quote by george bush at the end, (Fool me once you can't get fooled again, and yes I purposefully lower-cased his name), Adam and I sat in absolute silence for a good 60 seconds.

We both voted. No George Bush. When is Bill Maher going to run for president? Adam thinks Bill Maher should run for house or senate.

We just finished Farenheit 911. Now we are going to watch Lost in Translation. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this blog and go watch it.

Its so crazy. What we go through, and the crazy people that we meet along the way, that decide to go through it with us.

I'll never understand it. But thanks to all of you.

Much love.

2004-10-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

"Here's a toast, to all those who hear me all to well..."
-Eve 6

I finished all my homework by 2 PM. That never happens. And I don't have to work today. It seemed like today was the day to open the Chopin vodka that Bill gave me. So here I am at Adam's, watching Farenheit 911 and drinking Chopin vodka. We're about to vote. Have I mentioned that I hate George Bush?

2004-10-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

"Being on this road is anything but sure.
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget..."

Yay for nobody showing up to work on Sunday except for me and Nancy. What's up with not calling when you can't come to work? My mommy taught me better than that.

I got off of work Friday at 5 PM and was exausted. Went home, wrote in my journal, then knew I had to sleep, but didn't want to miss my brother arriving which was supposed to be around midnight. So I slept out in the living room. I had just had a few glasses of the remaining supply of wine that I had, so I was very heavy in sleepy land.

Then Jacob came home and sat in the living room and played bass guitar and I was only half-awake and I don't think he realized how much wine I had swimming through my brain, because he was trying to get me to play the piano part to this ska thing that he wrote, and all I could think was wine, wine, too much tired with too much wine.

My bro-wo showed up a little after 1:30 AM, I went to sleep pretty soon after that. We got up early the next morning and trucked off to Eugene to meet my daddy and little Zachlet. We had a great time at the game, then went to Red Robin where we were met by Jessica! I love Jessica. She might be able to come for my birthday, and it looks like Amber is, which would be awesome.

We got back to Ashland last night around 10:30 PM, (sorry Liz) and watched Farenheit 911. I hadn't seen it... wow. Scary. I had a dream about the end of the world. I hate George Bush.

Went to bed a little after 2 AM, and I was SO TIRED. I never get sleep anymore. Scotty woke me up around 9:15 AM this morning to say bye. I dragged myself out of bed and took a shower. Then Jacob woke up and we started Farenheit 911 again, cause he hasn't seen it. Then I had to leave to go to work. Now I'm here til 7 PM.

I don't know... I have alot to think about, and I just don't want to deal with any of it.

I don't know.

2004-10-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

"Okay Erin, here is what you do. Stop walking. Look straight up at the sky. Now spit really fast 10 times!"
-Trevor

I love you Linda!

Man, what a 24 hours. Alot of light has been shed on alot of things, due to a web adress that I scrawled down on a piece of paper months and months ago. Didn't even know what it was, but decided to take it to the lab and find out. Yeah, I definetly found out some stuff... damnit. I hate being wrong. Or right. Or both.

Anyways, I have ten minutes until I have to go to work. I wasn't going to write about this until I talked to my mom, (so she didn't find out in my blog), but I've been rethinking grad school. Not altogether, but I would love to take a year off. I need to get out of Ashland and LIVE, and just work and practice and NOT be in school. The more I think about it, the more I really think this might be right for me. For the first time, it makes me feel EXCITED about my life after school! I e-mailed Alex yesterday about my new thoughts, and he e-mailed back saying that I could come by and talk to him.

My brother gets here tonight. I'm totally stoked. (blue lake quote).

I can't seem to get enough sleep lately.

I might get to see Jessica in Eugene tomorrow, but I'm not sure. It depends on the schedule.

Um...

hmm...

My brain is having technical difficulties...

I guess that's all I have to say. Maybe I should go find some chocolate before work. I'd rather find wine... but somehow chocolate seems like a better idea.

2004-10-14T18:54:00.000-07:00

"Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays."
-Oscar Wilde

Let's see... nothing to write about, but half an hour to kill. I could do some homework... but that would just be crazy.

I'm tired. Tuesdays and Thursdays are definetly not my favorite days, considering that I'm on campus from 9 AM to 11 PM. Gees.

My bro-wo is coming to Ashland late tomorrow night, then we are going to a Duck game in Eugene on Saturday, then back in Ashland on Saturday night. I'm excited to see him.

What else can I write about...

Well, in the last 24 hours, I've had completely new thoughts on what I want to do after I graduate. Man I wish Gina was still here, this is totally the kind of thing we would go out and talk about over a glass of wine, and it would seem like no big deal by the end of the night.

I guess that's all for now. I'm freakin tired. I'm glad that if I have to work this late, then it is at least at the library with Nancy and Mark. The library makes you loony. But in a fun sort of way.

peace out.

2004-10-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
-Bertrand Russell

Warning... I'm having a "questioning what kind of person I am day."

This all started because I was just sitting outside the music building talking to Stephanie and Josh. We were talking about musical criticism and how some people take it personally. I said that I never do, and couldn't understand that. And Stephanie said "Well that's you. You're awesome at taking that. You don't let it get to you."

Do I really not let it get to me? Or am I so used to being passive that I don't notice? Should I care more than I do?

There is an issue that I have been pondering for a long time. I don't mean like several hours, I mean like several years. When I was growing up, I was always VERY sweet, loving, generous, the image of absolute kindness. I loved everyone, and I wanted everyone to love me. I did still have sarcasm, (duh, I'm a Pesznecker), but it was never with a negative overtone. Have you seen or read "Little Women"? The Beth character was me. The only people that didn't like me were people who thought I was TOO nice, and TOO sweet.

Then came the world. Everyone goes through bad times, I'm no exception. By the time I got to college I had definetly taken on a cynical outlook on my life. I had taken the blows that (unfortunately) alot of people take, and I had some great friends turn out to be not that great, not that trustworthy, and that had made me reserve my niceness for the people who deserved it. Instead of living by the motto "Be super nice to everyone", I started living by the motto "Be nice to the people who deserve it." As far as how to treat the others, I hadn't got that far yet.

Then came these college years... wow. I won't even go into it, because those of you who know what I am mainly reffering to already know. Those of you who don't... ask me. (Preferably over a drink). All I can say is that I've been through way more than I ever thought I would be, and I have been betrayed by WAY more people than I ever thought possible. People who I thought were going to be friends for life... And I mean BETRAYED.

I've always tried to see good in EVERYONE. But these last few years, (and one person in particular) have taught me that there are some people out there that are flat out bad. This really was hard for me to accept, and it made me angry that I had to accept it. But I did. People lie, people hurt other people for no reason, and people can keep more secrets then you would ever imagine. Some people can even tell you they care about you more than anything, and later tell you that they never meant it.

I'm not saying all this to depress everyone, because there are AWESOME people in the world!

But here is my dilema. I went through a period where I was angry, and mean to everyone. Then I went through a period where I shut down, but was nice to my friends. Now I think my brain has entered sort of a numb stage, coated with a nice anesthetic shot of sarcasm. I just don't let people get to me. If people are rude to me, or say mean things, or take me for granted, I don't let it get inside. (And if it does, I wash it out with wine). But its double-sided. If people are nice to me, or sweet to me, or care about me, I don't let it get inside. Yet I feel TREMENDOUS love for everyone in my life. I love the people around me so much that it hurts. Everyone. I feel so much for people, but am terrified of being let down. So I want to GIVE everything and anything that I can, but I'm terrified of taking.

What does this say about me? I constantly get different opinions from the people in my life that are close to me. I'm shy, I'm sweet, I'm mean, I'm cynical, I'm passive, I'm demanding, I'm brave, I'm timid. I feel completely strong in my identity, but when I think of myself from the outside, I start to wonder who the hell I am? Do you think its possible to be a certain way and not even realize it?

Okay, I feel much better now. You see? This is what happens when I forget to bring my journal with me to campus...

2004-10-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

"Men are confused. They're conflicted. They want a woman who's their intellectual equal, but they're afraid of women like that. They want a woman they can dominate, but then they hate her for being weak. It's an ambivalence that goes back to a man's relationship with his mother. Source of his life, center of his universe, object of both his fear and his love."
-Diane Frolov

Okay, this is the time of the month that I always dread. My sincere (not really) apologies to any guys who read this and aren't secure with the fact that every female gets her period once a month. (Come on, why does it have to be such an un-talked about thing? Get over it).

Whoa, sorry... I guess this is a good transition to what I'm trying to say.

Everyone's bodies react to this differently. Some get cravings, some get tired, some get headaches. I get cramps, and I get depressed. The cramps, I can deal with. I really can. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and alot of IB Profen. But EVERY FREAKIN MONTH, I get so depressed a couple days before my period starts. My usual remedy is to drink a bottle of wine, and that always helps my body to induce things. Of course this week I don't have time... man, it sucks. Last night I cleaned my room, hoping that would help me feel better, but it didn't do much for me. I was an emotional WRECK, for no reason whatsoever. This is a monthly thing for me, to the point where I don't even look at my calendar anymore to know when my cycle is going to start, because there is always a morning, like yesterday, where I wake up feeling like I want to kill myself, and THEN I look at my calendar, and sure enough...

Even though I know its just my body reacting in a normal way, (I actually just read some really interesting articles about this), it still sucks that for 3-4 days out of every month, I feel like it is el fin del mundo. I always spend these days trying to be by myself as much as possible, for the fear of scaring those around me.

Anyways, I'll probably feel like this until tomorrow, which is when I get off work at 5 PM and will then proceed to drink lots of wine, and eat lots of chocolate.

Until then, I just got online and read something that always makes me feel better. I'm going to post the link, even though I'm still having trouble with that. Read it. Its pretty much my rules for living.

href="http://www.sfheart.com/desiderata.html ">Desiderata

2004-10-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

"What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing, and what do we think we might see?"
-Kermit

Last night was fun, in a tired sort of way. We got to Redding a little after 5 PM, but the tech rehearsal was taking FOREVER. I don't think that the orchestra started playing until after 10:30 PM. As soon as I figured out that it would be a long night, I went across the street to get coffee, which is when I noticed a little pub across the street. (uh-oh). I mentioned this when I got back, and it was soon after that when Ruby, Eric and I ventured to get a drink. When we got there, we thought it was closed because the employees inside were putting the chairs on the tables. In a frantic state of panic, Eric knocked on the window and yelled "Is there any place that we can get a drink?" The waitress looked amused and gestured to come inside, which is when we saw several people sitting at the bar that was obviously still open. I'm sure that we looked really cool. I only got a double vodka tonic which normally wouldn't have effected my brain. Chalk it up to an empty stomach, or the mass amounts of coffee that I had been pumping into my body, but it definetly went to my head. We got back to do the dress-rehearsal and were VERY happy with the world. Eric and I did an awesome rendition of the Hokey Pokey. Everything seemed way funnier than usual. It was pretty gosh darn hilarious.

Then we had to drive back to Ashland. I wanted to fall asleep and I was completely exausted and my eyelids were heavy, but for the sake of my life I acted energetic and awake, hoping that it helped Jacob stay awake at the wheel. He did a good job, I'm not sure if I helped or not, but regardless, we made it home. On the way home when I was trying to not show how tired I was, it made me think of Blue Lake, and how I was ALWAYS that tired for days on end. I had forgotten what that felt like, and remembering how that was my constant state for two months... it hurt my brain to remember it. Anyways, we got home a little after 4 AM. EEEE!!! I got up at 8 AM, but I actually feel really awake.

Now I must go to work.

2004-10-07T11:17:00.000-07:00

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather an effort to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!"

Thanks to my sister-face for the cool quote!

I don't have anything to write about. This biology class is killing me. I hate group work, even though I actually have a really cool group that so far is showing no signs of slackers. Luckily our presentation will be over on Tuesday, and then we have a week before we have to start thinking about the next one.

I heard something really upsetting today and I am going to use my blog to vent about it. I was in my Philosphy of Women's Ethics class and a guy in the class said that he had just seen the SOU security report from 2003. Get this folks: Apparently in the year 2003 at beautiful Southern Oregon University, there was only ONE rape off-campus! And even better: There were ZERO rapes ON-campus! Isn't that great?!!

No. Its a lie is what it is. Some of you might be thinking "calm down Erin, maybe that was a year where coincidentally nobody reported sexual assaults.

No again. There are a few girls from the Women's Resource Center that are POSITIVE that there were numerous reports that year. UGH. It really pisses me off. Here we are everybody, in the year 2005 and this is still overlooked? I'm really upset about this. REALLY angry.

I need to go type my stupid paper, but I just wanted to clarify that there are way too many stupid people out there with way too much power.

Peace out.

2004-10-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."
- Jack Kerouac

I have been trying for a good 20 minutes to post a link to a Jack Kerouac site, but I keep doing it wrong, and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I'll ask my sister what I'm doing wrong... Maybe I need to read more Jack Kerouac books. I tried to steer away from them, because after I read "On the Road" a couple of years ago I started fantasizing about dropping out of school and spending the rest of my life being homeless and bumming around the world. I'm crazy like that. I have one side that wants to work and have steady income and know exactly where I can find steady footing. But I have another side that wants to just go, and see everything and meet everyone. I think that side tends to come out more as my life gets more out of my grasp.

Yesterday was a fun day, despite the fact that I woke up having a nervous breakdown about what the hell I am going to do with my life. (Mommy, thanks for listening)! There is an independent singer that I love, named Kristy Krueger. I saw her perform in Ashland a couple of years ago and since then have constantly had her CDs in my CD player, and been in touch with her through e-mail. She performed on campus yesterday, and I actually found the time in my schedule to listen to the whole thing! It was good, and it made me really happy. I sat at a table outside and wrote in my journal while she sang and felt totally cleansed.

Afterwards I went up to say hi, and we hugged and were glad to put a face to an e-mail. Then she pulled me aside and shyly said "we might need a place to stay." I laughed and said that was fine and gave her my cell number. When we got in contact later in the evening, she said that she no longer needed a place to stay but asked me if I wanted to go get a drink with her and a friend. I said that I did, and a few minutes later Kristy and her friend Diane were picking me up. The dilema was that Kristy had just got her purse stolen, so she didn't have ID. She DID however have a book of her press articles that stated her age. (She is 28, but looks very young for her age). The first bar that we went to wouldn't take it. So then we went to the Mexican resteraunt across from campus, and they totally did, so we ordered a pitcher of Margaritas. I didnt' know you could order them by the pitcher... this could be a dangerous discovery.

Anyways, it was totally fun, and strange in the sense that I felt like she was an old friend. I kept reminding myself that I had never hung out with her before.

This morning I had a piano lesson for the first time since June! It was really fun. I worked with Alex on the Chopin scherzo. Poodles.

That's all for now. I have to do some actual schoolwork. Go figure.

2004-10-03T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture."
-thanks mom!

Here I am on a Sunday evening at the library. Not "at work", but waiting for Nancy to get back so I can snag use of the fax machine. She's on her break, so I thought it was a perfect oppurtunity to blog.

We had our last Medford show today. It went pretty well. I'm very proud of myself that I never fell down the bottomless whole in the orchestra pit, which served as a trap for both the last pianist AND the last piano. I'm having fun, I really get a kick out of everyone in the orchestra. Music people make me happy. I also got to talk to my Scotty-face today, which made me really happy. I really miss my mom and brother and sister and all of us being together. But I feel really close to them all the time, even when they're far away. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is the truth. And many times it is what gets me through the day.

I talked to Shareka today. (Blue Laker). We caught eachother up on our lives, which is a must since we went from seeing eachother ALL day EVERY day to... never. Then we talked about camp, and the other counselors from our unit, (we've all kept in touch), and how everyone is STILL adjusting to being back. That was such a strange little world...

I've decided that my blog is getting boring. So I'm going to start trying to post a link on every entry. But I'm not making any promises.

href="Go'>http://www.safesearching.com/billmaher/blog/">Go here to see my soulmate

And have a marvelous day.

2004-09-30T15:15:00.000-07:00

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
-George Bernard Shaw

Hi everyone.

Yesterday was a bizarre day. One of those days where everything is off, and everybody is acting different, and where nothing is connected to anything else. I had plans to go over to Adam's and catch up on life. There was a very sick Jacob at the apartment, so I went to the store to scrounge up some get-well supplies. Yeah, I have a heart in there somewhere. Then I went to Adam's and talked at turbo speed, and around 10:30 PM I got a call from Meagan. (Hi Meagan)! It turns out that the Les Mis piano player hurt herself last night after rehearsel. (Life has a funny way of being funny). So guess what? I'm back in the show. Dress rehearsel tonight. I had a slight heart attack, only because I have two work schedules that will be effected. But I think it will all be okay.

I was walking back from the Minute Market with Adam last night and I think I might've seen someone from my first year at SOU. It was strange, and made me think back on the last four years. So strange how much has happened, how many paths I've crossed with so many different people. Its alot to think about. Kind of sad, kind of nastalgic, and pretty amazing how much has happened to me since I have been here.

Anyways, I have about 30 minutes before work. I think I'll go play some Chopin.

2004-09-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

"And this was a strangeness she'd recall: how when she entered her room which was exactly as she'd left it the day before, yet irrevocably changed, she'd known what a long time she'd been away, and such a distance. As if she'd left, and could not now return."
-Joyce Carol Oates

Sorry for the depressing quote. But you know those days where you just wake up wanting to cry? That's today. I don't even know what triggered it. I'm definetly sad today though, for whatever reason. Maybe its the change in the weather... I wish that I was having PMS, then at least I could justify my feelings. It'll pass, as it always does. Ever since Michigan, I've been waiting patiently to feel back in touch with my life... still waiting...

Anyways, enough of that nonsense. My philosophy class (women and ethics) is really cool, and all of the people have really interesting things to say. Always a plus. My biology class is not really cool. Its nool. (not+cool=nool). But you can't win them all. Choir is choir. Working two jobs is strange. Especially since this week I'm working extra at the library, so its class, then library, then class, then student affairs office, then break, then library agian. EEEEEE!!!!

Okay, speaking of work, I must go scarf down food before I go to the office.

2004-09-27T13:20:00.000-07:00

"It is difficult for a woman to define her feelings in a language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs."
-Thomas Hardy

So, I'm done playing for Les Mis. We got back into Ashland around 9:45ish last night, and I was beat. I had a 9 AM class this morning, then work at the library, then break, then work at the Student Affairs office, then to Rite Aid to get medicine for my icky throat. The show was really fun, and I'm glad that I did it. The other orchestra members were really cool, and I'm kinda sad that I don't get to hang out with them anymore. It was strange how different the experience was than playing solo piano. It was more "fun", and not nearly as nervewracking. Although I think that for me, the nervewracking-ness is part of the fun.

Wow... that was deep... lets all take a moment...

We, as in me, Jacob, and two cast members, went to a waterfall on Saturday. It was really pretty. I wanted to just stay there all day and sit on a rock and watch the water. There is something really amazing about waterfalls, how they just keep going and going. I've always loved them. In general I wish I was in the woods more, especially after this summer. It makes me feel so healthy and so at peace with everything.

Anyways, I should get going. I just wanted to drop a line. Not literally . Its just an expression.

2004-09-21T15:57:00.000-07:00

"Thank goodness for Vaginas."
-Amber

Man on man. I'm glad i'm a woman. I really am. I'm going to go home and put on my "vagina friendly" shirt and just be grateful that I am what I am. I'm not sure what brought on this sudden burst of thankfullness... actually I am, but I don't have the time, or want, to write about it. I called Amber on my way to work this morning and she burst out with the above quote, and I couldn't help but respond with "amen". I miss my girls and wish they were still here, but we chat constantly so at least it isn't like when I was in Michigan and could only talk for five seconds at a time.

Anyways, my break is over. I just had to share my sudden surging of womanly pride.

2004-09-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

"I think that sometimes, when we go through the more insane times of our lives, we're spinning our wheels so fast that it seems like we're almost standing still. Like we've slipped into some strange space-time continuum, and we're no longer in the real world. We see other people around us, hear them, can almost touch them-- but they're more like wisps, more imaginary, more somewhere else."
-my Mommy

This is the first time that I have ever used a previous blog comment as my opening quote, but my mommy-face managed to completely sum up what I've been feeling like since I got back from Michigan. Like I'm dreaming. Or even more, like I'm in someone elses dream.

Right now I'm at the SOU library working... kind of. I'm here, but the library is closed. There is a meeting going on all day upstairs and I'm just here making sure there are no shananigans. Its been a good chance to catch up on my e-mail.

Good news! GREAT news! I finally got a second job! Its such a relief to know that I'll be able to eat, and pay rent. Eating and paying rent are both good things to be able to do! I found that out on Friday night and when I got the message I really almost cried. So now on top of this next week of working at the library, and going back and forth to Roseburg, I'll also be starting my job in the Student Affairs office. Who needs to sleep? Not me, that's for sure.

These last two days have been exausting. We stayed in Grants Pass on Friday night, and by the time that we were halfway through yesterdays rehearsal, I was seriously ready for bed. I momentarily fell asleep on the keyboard and woke up to someone taking my picture. When I got home last night, I just plopped down on a matress in the living room and zoned out in front of the TV. I NEVER used to like zoning out in front of the TV. But lately I've been so tired that it always sounds really appealing.

We (Les Mis possee) had a mini-performance at a park in Grants Pass yesterday. It was fun. After living in the woods for two months, I think my brain misses spending long amounts of time outside.

anyways, must go. That was a lie. I really don't have to go. I still have six hours. But I don't have anything left to say.

peace out.

2004-09-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

"Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated..."
-The Ramones

I'm just so tired all the time. And no amount of sleep seems to be doing me any good. And I've been a freakin roller coaster of emotions, from happy to sad to mellow to hyper, and for the life of me I can't seem to grasp one feeling for more than five minutes at a time. Its like nothing in my life is solid right now, everything is just floating around, and its really messing with my head.

That being said...

This next week is going to be pretty crazy. Opening night is a week from today (!) and I start at the library on Sunday, so starting today at 2 PM (when I leave for rehearsel) I'm going to have to make sure to schedule time to breathe. Its all good though. At least I'm busy with music and not... I don't know... accounting.

...Because I'm always so busy with accounting...

My sincere apologies to anyone who just took minutes out of their life to read this entry...

2004-09-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

For the last week, I've been feeling like I have been getting nothing done. It occured to me yesterday while talking to my sister that I have been doing SO much that it FEELS like I'm getting nothing done. Make sense? I don't know. Whatever.

I'm still getting letters from campers and counselors, and that makes me so happy. It has been really frusterating being back in the "real" world, because I want to tell everyone about camp, but its one of those experiences that is just impossible to explain. Thank goodness I'm in touch with some of the counselors still. That is keeping me sane. Its very easy to make people understand the bad parts of camp, but to make them understand the GOOD parts... I guess you had to be there.

Anyways, I'm off to the music building. Sorry for the lack of brain activity in this blog. I need to save it for piano.

:)

2004-09-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

"What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
- Jack Kerouac

I've been really bad about blogging lately. I haven't been to the library much to e-mail, which is part of the reason. The other part is that my life is insane lately, and I'm not really sure where to begin.

Money money money UGH. I'm doing everything I can to get a second job, and having absolutely no luck. I HAVE to get a second job, or I can't pay rent. It is really nervewracking. Playing for Les Mis has been good experience thus far, but there are moments where I feel like I have forgotten how to play piano. Accompaning has always been tough for me. Probably because instead of just messing up myself, I'm messing up ALOT of people who need me to play it right, and that just makes me feel bad, like I should be apologizing to all of them.

I've been back in Ashland for a week now, but I still feel like I haven't talked to anyone, or had more than 2 minutes to just relax. Literally an hour after I got back to my home in Ashland, I was off to a rehearsel. Its bizarre being back in the familiar Ashland environment, yet with the majority of my friends not here anymore. Its really hard to believe that 3 weeks ago from right now, I was in the middle of my last session of Blue Lake. I'm definetly having moments of nastalgia, but for the most part, it seems like a dream that never actually happened. I do miss the other counselors, for sure.

All in all, life is strange.

Now I'm off to practice.

2004-08-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

"We don't like to make our passions other people's concern..."
-Dar Williams

To be honest, I haven't been in the mood to blog, and I'm not now. But I fear that my sister might kill me if I don't. So here I am.

I have been in Milwaukie since Monday night. The flight home went pretty well, with the exception of my bags getting left in Chicago. I feel like I haven't had down-time yet. I've had alot of apointments, and people to see, places to go, meanwhile trying to adjust to not being three hours ahead of the time here.

Its definetly good to be home. I do miss the counselors, its weird not knowing what kind of day they're having right now. But its nice to be back to my life. I had forgotten how fun it is to be poor when you have a million bills to pay. Its good times. I'm here in Milwaukie until tomorrow morning, then in Eugene until Tuesday morning having girl time with Jessica and Amber-face, then off to Ashland. I'm playing for Les Miserables, but I still don't have the music, so I guess that's what I'm going to dive into when I get back. And I need to get a second job ASAP.

That's my life. Isn't it fascinating?ˇ

2004-08-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

"I hope its not a bad thing that I have spent the last three weeks feeling like my head isn't attached to my body."
-me

So, its Thursday! Camp is over on Sunday, and I am so ready to go home. I think that I've worked it out so I'll be able to see all of my poodle-people in the next week. I'm so excited, I can't even find the words to define how excited I am! This last week has been an odd one... way to much to put into a blog. Just take my word for it -- ODD.

My night off was last night. I went out with Jess, Chris, Sean, and some other counselor people. We got good food, then went to the store, then the beach. Then Jessica and I went on a mission to check our e-mail but didn't make it to the library before it closed, so instead we went to McDonalds, got McFlurrys, and ranted about all of the crazy stuff that has been going on. It was much needed venting, and it felt great to just let it all out and not worry about anyone over-hearing. I can't believe I only have two more FULL days of camp left. Have I mentioned yet that I am excited?

Must run, time is ticking away.

2004-08-10T14:53:00.000-07:00

"That way of missing them would mean that I had accepted that I would never be with them again; it might sound silly but I didn't believe it, would not believe it."
-The Lovely Bones

Its me!

Its Tuesday night, we are all about to go out to dinner. Tomorrow morning the new campers come, for the LAST SESSION. I am so excited to come home, and to return to my life. But it is going to be very sad to say bye to the great friends that I have made here, especially the other counselors in my unit. Not only have I seen them EVERY DAY for the last two months, but they are the ONLY people that I have seen for the last two months! I feel so close to them now, and I have shared this part of my life that I know nobody will be able to understand but them. We are going to be e-mailing like crazy when we get out of here.

So yeah, that's all I have time for right now. I get back to Portland on the night of August 23rd, then back to Ashland as soon as I can after the 28th.

I'm in the home stretch! Exciting!

2004-07-26T15:42:00.000-07:00

"Three dozen roses? That's like 36 roses!"
-Kristin

Kristin is one of my fellow counselors and I'm using that quote because it was hilarious when she said it. Yes, its an inside joke that none of you will get, but at this point I don't care. Sue me.

Second session is over! It ran pretty smoothly actually. Two down, two to go. I'm very ready to go back to Oregon. The closer that August 22nd gets, the more I want to go home. Maybe its because it seems like an actual reality now, that I'm not going to be in this weird little world for the rest of my life! Man, I can almost taste how good it is going to feel to fly into Portland. At the same time, I realize that it is probably going to be really bizarre to get back to Ashland and have the majority of the people that I left there be gone. Hmm...

So that's pretty much all I have to say. I know what I'm doing now, but my schedule next session is going to be INSANE and exausting. I can't believe that I don't even have one block of free time. UGH.

In other words, I'm ready to be home.

2004-07-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

"I'm going to be like, 'what am I doing, and who am I'?"
-me

The above quote is what I said yesterday while talking to Alyssa about what it is going to feel like when I get back to the "real world."

Only three more days until session 2 is over and session break arrives! This session flew by compared to last session and I have SO much more energy! This is largely attributed to the fact that my girls are SO awesome and manage themselves very well. It is also a result of the fact that I have learned how to pace myself... well, I'm LEARNING anyways. I had my night off two nights ago, and it was really fun. Me, Jess, Kat, Sarah, Carlos, Isaac, and Justin went out to dinner, and I had a VODKA TONIC. Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal, but after a month without having one, it tasted like chocolate. After dinner we all went and saw King Arthur, then got ice cream. Then I went back to my cabin and thanks to the movie, had a dream that Blue Lake was a big battle field and the campers were in a battle with the people from administration. It was actually kind of scary...

Anyways, I'm running super short on computer time and still have stuff that I have to do. Hey, today is my halfway point! That means that my time here is half-over! That means that soon I'll be back in Oregon! NOT OREEGAWN. Ugh. Some people...

2004-07-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

"Life whizzed on with a deafening rattle and roar, in which one traveler at least found a welcome refuge from the sound of her own thoughts."
-Willa Cather

Me again! Internet access twice in the same week! Could life be more exciting? I think not.

The official verdict is that I LOVE highschoolers! They are so much more self-reliant, and they have so much to say, and my campers this session are awesome! We had cabin activities last night, and I didn't want it to end! They are all so respectful, and they are always on time, and they are just really cool. It still takes alot of energy, but not quite as much, and hopefully I'm learning how to pace myself. Now that I have been through a full session, I feel more confident in what I am doing. It also really helped to have a session break and have a couple of days to do nothing. And yesterday we had a day with almost no humidity! That was pretty awesome.

Now I'm at the library with Jess and Alyssa, then we are going to run to Miejer and get some necassary items that we forgot to pick up during the session break. Then I have to go to choir... UGH. Normally I really like staff choir, its sort of like a refuge. That was until we started working on the Pinkham Wedding Cantata. The piano part is weird, and the choir part is weird, and the director is the only one who seems to be able to grasp the rythm. And the REALLY cool part is that today is our only rehearsel, (an hour long), before we have to perform it at department night.

Yeah. Good times.

Much love! Poodles!

2004-07-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

"She remembered it as the wildest and happiest and saddest time of her life. Everything came at her too fast, and she was not given enough time for preperation".
-Willa Cather

Hi all!

So, it is SESSION BREAK! I'm on duty again tomorrow at 7 AM, but these last 48 hours have been amazing. I was so exausted by the time the campers left, not to mention really sick with a soar throat, a throbbing headache that lasted for 3 days, and a sinus infection. The humidity didn't help, nor did the 12 hyper girls that I was responsible for. But on Sunday night after going out to dinner with some fellow counselors, I got an amazing 11 hours of sleep. Waking up the next morning felt amazing. I'm not trying to be dramatic when I say that I was honestly worried that I would never again feel rested. Its been really nice lounging around camp, hanging out with the other counselors that are too far from home to go over break. We've been having campfires and stuff, but for the most part we've just been practicing and being MELLOW and enjoying the QUIET. It feels so good to be awake. Going right from orientation into the first session was way too much for all of us. I have never felt exaustion like I was feeling for the last few days of the session. It was awful.

Now I'm at the library and a group of us are going to make a quick run to the store. Then back to camp to get ready for tomorrow morning when our next group comes.

Many of you are getting way better about letters. THANK YOU!!! My mood has been alot better just knowing tid-bits of what everyone is up to. I don't feel quite as disconnected as before. Many of you have also figured out that I have had rare oppurtunities to use the phone. I never know when it will happen, but when it does, I try to call whoever I can!

Must go... I miss everyone SO MUCH.

I'll see you all soon.

2004-07-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

"Life, what is it but a dream?"

Okay, so that is the first quote that came to my mind, and I only have four minutes to post this blog.

First session is over in two days! Wow, despite some expected difficulties, my first bunch of girls were pretty cool. Next session is high schoolers, and I think that I actually have some of them for FOUR weeks, not just two, so it will be interesting to see the difference. I was planning on having more time to e-mail today, but there was a huge line, and as I said, now I'm down to four minutes.

WRITE TO ME! I'm great about writing back. Of course, in order to write BACK, I need to have a letter to begin with.

Grrr...

I LOVE AND MISS EVERYONE!!!

2004-07-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

"It was a wond'rous lovely storm that drove me!"

Yes! Its me!

I'm in Michigan typing as fast as I possibly can before my time at the public library is over. The first session offically started yesterday, but I am taking one of the 8 hours that we are allowed off during a session. Jessica (a fellow counselor) and I realized that we both had free time and raced to our beloved e-mail. This is an insane time for me. I can't believe how much I have already done and how much I still have to do. I've had to test myself more in the last two weeks than I have in the last 2 years! My campers are great, but EXTREMELY chatty and energetic. This is going to be a definite growing experience.

That's all for now, sorry, but time is precious, and it flies when you are having free time! I miss everyone SO much. Letters are really fun to write! Hey, you should write some to me! For all I know, it could be a few days or a couple weeks before I have access to my e-mail again.

Erin Pesznecker, Counselor
Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp
Central Camp, Sleepy Hollow, Stravinsky
300 East Crystal Lake Rd.
Twin Lake, MI 49457

MUCH LOVE! Send me good vibes!

2004-06-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, you all aren't going to believe this, but I don't have a quote to start out tonight's blog. I'm way too tired to find one. Sorry. I know this is going to tremendously upset anyone who reads this.

My plane leaves for Michigan tomorrow at 8:26 PM, bu t I don't actually get there until 2:36 PM the next day. I'm a little nervous about my last layover, because I only have an hour to switch planes AND airlines at the Chicago airport. I'm going to throw myself on the mercy of the first airline employee that I see. I can't believe that I'll be in Michigan for two months! That just seems so strange to me. For the last four years, it seems like I've been pretty much planted in Ashland. I'm leaving my element...

Anyways, that's that I guess. I'm not sure how much computer access I have. During the sessions, I'm sure that I'll have none, but in our breaks between sessions I might be able to snag sometime. We'll see.

So until then, much love to everyone. I miss everybody bunches already. But I'll come back soon. I always do. Í

2004-06-17T09:42:00.000-07:00

"Never refuse any advance of friendship, for if nine out of ten bring you nothing, one alone may repay you."
-Madame de Tencin

Here I am in Milwaukie. Jacob and I got here on Sunday, and he left yesterday. Man, I miss all of my Ashland poodles. Its like having that constant feeling that I've forgotten something, but I haven't. Right now I am one big mood swing. I just had a whirlwind of a month, and it was GREAT, but suddenly its over. Its like quitting something cold turkey. Hard. Really hard, and sad, and disorienting.

Today I'm going to have lunch with Lora, one of my best friends. Then I'm going to get a few inches of hair chopped off so it isn't down to my waist when I get back from Michigan. Then I need to pack. And practice. And spend time with my mommy-face.

Then I plan to breathe.

2004-06-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

"It is possible to play piano without passion - but why?"

I got this quote from Meagan's blog! This is quite interesting since I am sitting in Meagan's house right now. I love the fact that Meagan and I are playing around on computers while Jacob and Mike are in the kitchen. As it should be, right? I've been very bad about blogging lately. (Sorry sister). My life is very strange right now. Its doing its own thing, and I'm kind of along for the ride. Tomorrow morning, I leave for Milwaukie to see my POODLE. Then I fly out of Portland on the 19th and arrive in Michigan the next day. I'm feeling a little nervous, but I think alot of it, if not all of it, will go away once I get to Michigan and am not constantly thinking "what if I miss my plane", etc.

I guess I should go, since I don't think this qualifies as being social.

2004-06-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why."
-Eddie Cantor

I'm hoping that its not bad that my opening quote is about slowing down, despite the fact that all of my finals are on Monday. I have three essays that are due, and two exams, all on Monday. I'm actually not that stressed. I'm hoping that means that I'm confident that I know the material, and not that I'm in denial that I have finals. This was a crazy term. I can't believe how much has happened, and I can't believe that this is the last day of classes. So strange!

Not alot has been going on... Well, I dunno. I think I've pretty much lost all concept of time, therefore it seems like nothing is going on, because everything is blurred and too quick, and too slow, and I'm just wandering. I went to the band concert last night. It was pretty good. Its funny, now that I'm not in convo and am not required to go to concerts, I've gone to more concerts than I have any other term of my time at SOU. Go figure. Allergies are killing me, but I'm getting used to them.

Okay, seeing as how I obviously have nothing to say, I'm going to go keep working on my essays.

2004-06-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

"This isn't good or bad. It's just the way of things. Nothing stays the same."

I know that it has been a few days since I've last posted a blog, but I have had mucho stuffo going on. And I can't write much right now, because my shift starts in five minutes. But I thought I should post something so everyone knows that I'm still alive.

I just got out of my piano lesson. Gina has her lesson after me, so the three of us, (Alex, me, and Gina), always spend at least 10 minutes just sitting and talking about totally random stuff. Today as the three of us were chatting, it occured to me that NEVER again will I sit in Alex's office with him and Gina. Man, its just so weird. Everything is changing right now and meanwhile I keep reminding myself that I'm leaving in less than two weeks. Gees.

Must go to the library now. I'm excited... right?

2004-05-27T10:41:00.000-07:00

"Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself."
-Henry Miller

Hi!

I should be in the Student Union right now, working on my study guide. But alas, here I am with my blog. Oh bother. Today is my day off, (with the exception of choir), but I had to be at the high school at 8 AM for a rehearsel. I actually had a really nice walk over there. It was drizzling, and as you all know, I'm a sucker for rain. The rehearsel was pretty fun actually, or maybe I was just glad to have an EXCUSE to not study astronomy... gees. Jacob found a really cool pen at the high school. It has a cool gel thing that turns purple! (I won't bother trying to explain it in my blog). Anyways, the moral of the story is that I wanted to steal it, but I was then reminded of how I would feel personally if I had that cool of a pen and someone stole it. So I left it there. My life is filled with obstacles.

Not much else to say. I miss my mommy because I have been listening to the Gilmore Girls soundtrack. I mean, I always miss my mommy, but especially when I see the Gilmore Girls, because that show is actually about me and my mom. Really. We know the directors.

I went home with Nancy on her dinner break yesterday so she could show me the ins and outs of her house, because I'm house-sitting for her this weekend. I got to bond with her DOGGIES. I love dogs. Dogs make the world a better place. Especially Ernie. I love Ernie.

Okay, this is ridiculous. Time for me to go to the Student Union... ughs.

2004-05-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

"An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth."
-Bonnie Friedman

Once again, I wasn't going to publish a blog today. This time because this is one of those days full of nonstop STUFF. Just a bunch of loose ends to tie up, blah blah blah. But then I was checking my comments from the last blog and was confronted with a whining sister. So here I am. Just for my sister, because I love her! Gina came over last night and we watched my Olga Kern DVD, drank wine, and ate LOTS of cheese. Muy poodle-o. Now my shift is starting. I would like to accept the honor of just completing the most boring blog in the history of the world.

2004-05-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

"People should listen to people when they say that other people are psycho."
-Adam Deich

I wasn't going to publish a blog today due to the fact that I spent six hours of today locked in a room by myself and therefore have nothing to say, but then I remembered that I told Adam on the phone last night that I would quote him today. And since when do I go back on my word?

I don't have anything to say. I've been on campus since 8 AM because I had a rehearsel at the high school. Once I was there I didn't mind, but getting out of bed was SO hard. I have REALLY bad allergies right now, and every morning is a battle with my eyes and my throat... by the way, choir isn't fun when your throat is on fire. I practiced for six hours today and had SO much fun. That can't be healthy... oh well. Healthy schmelthy.

2004-05-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

"From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm interested in."
-Almost Famous

Hmmm... Almost Famous. What a great movie. Maybe watching it would fix my mood. I was thinking about it today because I really just want to sit and listen to music, and talk about music, and play music, and hang out with musicians. Anything else seems unmanagable. I've just been one great big roller coaster lately. Happy and hyper to sad and somber in a matter of seconds. Go figure. I'm just really tired lately. There's so much to do, and I'm doing ALL of it, yet I feel like I'm doing nothing. How strange is that?

Ginger's recital was yesterday. It was awesome, she has come so far and played beautifully. HOWEVER, I was about to attack some of the audience members, mainly a grown man who didn't seem to grasp the fact that wrinkling a candy wrapper throughout the ENTIRE performance might be a little disruptive. Seriously, sometimes I just can't handle people. Take "Creepy Guy", one of our many regulars at the library. I just finished helping him at the counter and GOOD lord... if you're going to stare at a girl's chest, at least TRY to be subtle about it. Grrr... Not to mention the construction guys that just stopped and stared at me when I got out of the elevator, or the endless number of guys who feel the need to whistle at you when you're on the street... which by the way, I will never understand that whole phenomenon. What exactly are they accomplishing?

Sorry, see what I mean? Listen to me! Am I a snob? Lately I've been feeling like I am. No, I know that I'm not, but I'm just so gosh darn moody! Ugh.

Okay, I need to end this blog on a GOOD note. I had a good morning! I'm not sure why exactly, but I was having SO much fun practicing today! I mean, I always have fun, but today I was just on a high. I could've played all morning if it wasn't for classes, and work, and my life. Oh well. Better a little time to practice than no time at all.

2004-05-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

"I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
-Ettiene De Grellet

So, Gina's senior recital was amazing, of course. She played so well, and the whole time she was playing I was just one big ball of nastalgia. Gina is one of those people who just makes life better, and I know that my college experience wouldn't have been half of what it was if it wasn't for her. It is so great to not only have someone who is a best friend, but also someone who I can share my thoughts on piano with and know that she understands what I am saying. It is going to be a big adjustment to not be able to knock on her practice room door every day. She dedicated her encore to me, which was almost too much for me to handle! It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me, and it meant alot. I'll never forget how good that made me feel.

2004-05-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."
-Fran Lebowitz

Once again folks, I'm running on not enough sleep. But all is okay, because it was well worth the missed hours of snoozing. I had a great night sitting in the woods with one of my favorite people, just talking and looking and breathing and eating up nature. It kind of made me not as uneasy about going to Michigan, because it reminded me of how much I love being out in nature. Everything about it, right down to the crunchy sound that the leaves make when you walk. It was so much fun, and so what I needed right now. Yay for trees.

Now I am headed home to sleep and study. In that order. Then I'm going to Gina's senior recital! Its going to be great. Gina rocks.

2004-05-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise."
-Robert Fritz

I performed the Brahms Intermezzo in A major today for convo. It was really fun. I wasn't nervous backstage, then the minute that I started playing I felt my body getting the shakes. So then I started focusing on not shaking. Then about halfway through the piece, I remembered that I have wanted to perform this piece for a long time, and that I needed to have fun! So I did. It was fun, and all went well. Amber came to watch, which made me totally happy. I love my Amber!

Now I'm off to my apartment, becaues I don't work on Thursdays. I have a long list of stuff to do this afternoon... we'll see.

Oh! I almost forgot:

HI DAVID. There. Are you happy now? Breathe! You'll be fine! I promise.

2004-05-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

"You might be thinking 'I could've done that'. But you didn't."
-Longshore

The above quote is from one of my professors of my 8 AM Art/Music history class, which by the way, is a REALLY cool class. I must be true music addict if I find myself excited in the morning to go to an 8 AM class. Anyways, we were looking at minimalist

--Mark just came in to the library with a pizza! Woo-hoo!

Sorry. Okay, so we were looking at minimalist artwork and it was of a box in the middle of a room or something equally simple, and our professor then said the above quote, and I just thought that was really cool. It takes guts to put yourself out there. I've been really inspired lately to just do everything that I want to do, and to play music how I want to play it, and its a whole new mindset that is really fun.

I'm gonna run and eat pizza. Bye!

2004-05-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-Albert Einstein

Okay, time for a tangent because I'm on my 15-minute break and am about to EXPLODE.

First off, my disclaimer: My job at the library... it actually isn't all that bad when compared to the millions of other jobs that I've had. Mainly because my supervisor is awesome, and I realize that is a HUGE blessing!

BUT...

Sometimes this place just gets to me. On days when I'm giggly and in a good mood, its kind of funny to look around at our VERY strange patrons. We have many: "Creepy Guy", "Naked picture guy", "Copy refund guy", "Drug Lady", "The Daughter", "Tandy", I really could go on and on... and ON and ON. Its kinda funny, in a sad "I laugh cause I can't cry" sort of way.

But days like today when I have a book to read by Wednesday, a capstone to turn in tomorrow, a paper due in two days... UGH. It just baffles me how people are so mindless. The fact that SENIORS come to the counter and ask "Is it free to check out books? I haven't been here." Oh my gosh! It isn't so much them as the community members though. The community people that come in here are just creepy, especially the guys. I swear, if one more guy winks at me, or calls me sweetheart I'm going to scream. Seriously. Scream until I lose my voice. And speaking of screaming, I'm sick of getting yelled at by people who don't even know me. I'm SO SORRY that you have fines because your books are late because you fell asleep for two months, but its NOT my fault, so DON'T YELL AT ME! Oh my gosh! I'm sick of it! How do you yell at someone that you don't even know? UGH.

And one more thing... If they want to make copies with our copy machines, the machine WILL do something to mess up their copies, and I don't know how to fix it any more than they do. Not that it matters... they'll yell at me anyway.

Thank you and good night.

2004-05-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

"You're confusing product with process. Most people, when they criticize, whether they like it or hate it, they're talking about product. That's not art, that's the result of art. Art, to whatever degree we can get a handle on... is a process. It begins in the heart and the mind with the eyes and hands."
-Jeff Melvoin

I can play through my Haydn Sonata now! I'm sure that you all are profoundly interested in that, so that's why I'm writing about it on my blog. (Heh). I love learning new music. I'm playing the Brahms Intermezzo in A major on Thursday for convo. I'm actually really nervous because it is one of my FAVORITE piano pieces, and I'm going to be really mad at myself if I mess it up. I got out my Springsteen records yesterday and have been listening to them since. I listened to Darkness on the Edge of Town right up until I had to leave this morning.

I had a really good weekend. Maybe a little TOO good of a weekend, because I fell asleep at 10 PM last night and didn't wake up until 9 AM. For me, that is much more sleep than I usually get. It felt really nice, but I always feel like sleeping that much takes up so much time where I could've been doing other things. Yesterday I got my packet from the camp in Michigan that I'm going to work at. Once again, I had that mix of excitement and... something. Not nerves, not being sad, but something in between. I've been having so much fun lately and I don't want it to stop. But Michigan will be fun, and a great experience, so I need to just suck it up and remember how fast two months can fly by.

2004-05-13T16:16:00.000-07:00

"Life is everywhere. The earth is throbbing with it, it's like music. The plants, the creatures, the ones we see, the ones we don't see, it's like one, big, pulsating symphony."
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider

I had alot of fun at Sonya's recital last night. She sounded amazing and looked beautiful. Afterwards I went out with Meagan and Jacob, then later ran into Gina and her group. It was fun, I want to hang out with everyone as much as I can because it feels like everyday goes by a little faster.

Today has been really fun, and I'm not even sure why. Its just one of those days where the weather is great, and the air smells good, and the practice rooms are full, and the music lounge is full, and everyone is just on that high that only comes from music and creativity. I've spent all of today practicing, and its my night off, so I'm about to head home. I'm going to go watch my DVD of Olga Kern, and then get out my keyboard and metronome and try to figure out how to play four-against-three rhythms. Then I'm going to listen to all of the Bach preludes and fugues and choose one to start learning, then I'll work on the 2nd movement of my Haydn Sonata. Believe it or not, I'm actually really excited about all of this.

:)

2004-05-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

"Dark and silent late last night, I think I might have heard the highway calling.
Geese in flight and dogs that bite.And signs that might be omens say I'm going, going, going..."
-James Taylor

I have had Portland on the brain for the last 48 hours. Also I really miss my sister, which is probably contributing to the sudden burst of memories that are on my mind. It started the night before last when I had a dream that I was giving a friend a tour of Portland, and I woke up wishing I was at pioneer square eating a pink cookie from the downtown Nordstrom's cafe. So when I woke up yesterday, I called my mom telling her that I wanted to come to Portalnd right that very minute... I think she must've thought that I was kidding, because all she did was laugh. Shucks.

My second twinge of nastalgia came when I as in Astronomy today, which is actually really sad because all that happened in Astronomy was a showing of an awful movie about how the Sun is going to melt the Earth. BUT, at one point they showed a light-house, and that made me think of the Columbia River Gorge. I'm posting this link because I know my sister checks my blog and she'll want to see them as much as I do. Just looking at them makes me want to be there so bad that I can't breathe. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my life here, the most happy I have been in the four years that I have lived here. But I miss the city, and the gorge... you know.

Now I guess I'm off to practice, (what's new), because my class got out early and I don't work until 5:00. Then I'm going to Sonya's recital. Its so exciting to get to see everyone's recitals. It always makes me so proud.

2004-05-11T16:01:00.000-07:00

"You're not even thinking anymore (when performing), you just free your mind and express. There's nothing calculated. I don't play the piano, the piano plays me."
-Tori Amos

I actually managed to get six hours of sleep last night, which is good, except somehow I think I actually might be more out of today than I was yesterday... go figure. I just had lesson and it went really well. More specifically, the MUSIC went well, the talking didn't, considering that I was too loopy to finish a sentence. I just love playing piano, I really do. Even right now as I'm learning a really tricky sonata and am about to start a Bach prelude and fugue. Even when its not "fun", its always so incredibly satisfying, and I just want to soak it up into everything that I do. And I love all of my music people who just get "It", because its such a relief, like being able to breath, to be around people who understand why at 9 AM this morning I was in a practice room, when I could've just as easily slept until 11 AM. I just wish I had more time for music, but better a little time than no time at all I guess.

On that note, (get it? Note?), I'm going to go to work.

2004-05-10T10:45:00.000-07:00

"I'm too tired to think of a quote for today. Sue me."
-me

For the record, being on campus from 8 AM to 9 PM with only one hour of sleep is not a good idea... I had a fun night... but I still think this whole 8-9 thing may not be a good idea... if only school could call a day off when I need it to.

It hurts... My brain... good lord.

2004-05-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

"It seems to me that my mother was the most splendid woman I ever knew...I have met a lot of people knocking around the world since, but I have never met a more thoroughly refined woman than my mother. If I have amounted to anything, it will be due to her." -Charles Chaplin

Happy mother's day! Its too bad that it took stepping out on my own to TRULY realize everything that my mom has done, and continues to do. I cringe when I think of the angst-ridden teen that I was in high school. I'm so grateful to have a mom who is also my best friend.

2004-05-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

"A kind of lyrical ecstasy possesses young Americans in the Springtime, a feeling of not belonging in any one place or in any one moment, a wild restless longing to be elsewhere, everywhere, now!"
-Jack Kerouac

You gotta love Jack Kerouac. I've been wanting to read "On the Road" again, but fear it might make me drop out of school! Lately I've been having all sorts of mixed thoughts about my life. I'm leaving for Michigan in late June and won't be back until late August. Part of me is so excited just to have a change of scenery, and do new things with new people. But there is another part of me that is realizing that means that I'll have to go two months without seeing the people here that just rock my world, and that's kind of sad. However, I'm still excited about Michigan, it should be a really good experience. And I'll still have a whole month to enjoy Ashland before classes start. I have such a mixed up brain right now. Thinking about grad school, I'm just so ready to throw myself out there, into new experiences. At the same time, there is that little part of me that still has a twinge of Milwaukie, and although leaving Oregon will be exciting, I love Oregon "like I love a person", as Katie would say.

Wow, I need to get off of this tangent before I start making it into a novel... Its Saturday! This is technically my only official "day off", meaning that it is my day to catch up on all of the things that I don't have time to do during the week. With that, I should go practice.

2004-05-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

"I am sure it is a great mistake always to know enough to go in when it rains. One may keep snug and dry by such knowledge, but one misses a world of loveliness."
-Adeline Knapp

Its raining, and that makes me soooo happy. I don't know if its from growing up in Milwaukie or if its just in my blood, but its very likely that the rain is my absolute favorite thing. I love how it smells, I love how it feels, I love how it sounds, I love everything about it. Its too bad pianos can't get wet, otherwise I could play the Chopin Preludes in the rain. That would be awesome. Am I the only one who has ever thought about that? Probably... oh well.

I don't have much to report. I'm having dinner with my roomates tonight, since I haven't got to sit down with any of them in what seems like a million years. Then I'll spend the rest of the weekend with my astronomy book. I'm having trouble containing my excitement.

2004-05-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, I DO plan to figure out how to not publish the same things twice every day...

2004-05-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

"That's what floors are floor."
-Erin Pez

I'm having a dilema with this blog thing. I need to figure out some form of organization so there is some sense of a layout. I think I'll start every day with a quote... that's all I've got so far.

Not much to report today, same old same old. I haven't gotten nearly enough sleep in these last two nights. I've been getting to bed really late and my body is programmed to get up early. I don't even set my alarm and I don't think I ever sleep past 7 AM. The result is that lately I have been drinking mucho amounts of coffee.

I'm gonna head to the music building now and learn the 3rd movement of my Haydn sonata. Yeah, I know, you WISH you were me.

2004-05-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

Wow! I figured out how to make it so poeple can post comments! This is amazing...

So as you probably all figured out, I went a little crazy with the blogs yesterday. It was my first day! I got excited. But I made a rule for myself that from now on I can only publish one blog a day.

Sadly enough, that's all I have time to write... I bet you're all extremely dissapointed.

2004-05-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

Man, this is addicting.

Okay, so I have an honest issue here and I want everyone's opinion. My e-mail adress is pesznecke@students.sou.edu

There is a boy in the music department, we'll call him George. He is a year below me and is a piano/composition major. I don't think he is retarded in any way, (I'm seriously not trying to be mean), but there is definetly some issues in that head of his. He's just not all there. About a month ago, he casually asked me if I was religous, and I casually answered no. From that point on, George has made it his new life goal to become my religous leader. Literally everytime I see him he is telling me to go to church with him. At first it was annoying but I didn't really mind, but now it is to the point where I am on the verge of exploding.

Yesterday he took it a step further. I was in the music lounge with George and some of the other guys, and we had about three different conversations going. My conversation was not with George, it was with Matt, a friend of mine who had just taken a midterm in my art/history class and we were comparing answers. Out of nowhere, George starts telling me that "tonight is the magical night", and it went from George trying to get me to go to church to George trying to get me to be his new girlfriend. UGH. Matt actually stepped up and explained to George what constitutes Harassment. Hopefully that did the trick, because I am really at my wits end. I have tried everything in these past few weeks. I have tried to calmly tell him I'm not interested, I have YELLED that I'm not interested, and I have completely ignored him. Ignoring him actually did the trick for a couple days, (which is 3 years in music time), but that obviously wore off.

My thought is that next time he talks to me about ANYTHING relating to this, I'm going to tell him to never talk to me ever again. Kind of the equivalant to putting a kid in time out.

Any thoughts?

Oh, and I think all of us should have blogs. It saves lots of e-mail time!

2004-05-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so now I have an hour before work, and I'm here to review for an astronomy quiz. I HATE Astronomy. I know that there is supposed to be some link between Music and Physics but I might devote my life to disproving that theory. How is it that I can memorize pages of extremely difficult music, yet am having the hardest time of my life trying to pass a 113 level class?

I just got out of my lesson. It went really well, and overtime as usual. I talked to Alex about the University of British Columbia, he said he doesn't know much about it, but it seems like it could be a good idea. We'll have to wait and see I guess... I just realized that I'm only going to have three more lessons with him before I'm off to Michigan. Its sad, and I'm realizing that its probably going to be really frusterating when I start working with a new teacher in grad school. You form such a routine, you get to know what eachother's musical likes and dislikes are, and if you're lucky (which I am), you develop a nice balancing of ideas. Working with someone new... ugh. It gives me a headache to think about it.

Speaking of headaches, I need to go study for this quiz.

2004-05-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! This is so exciting! I'm following the footsteps of my sister and am taking the step into blogging. Not for any big reason, it isn't like I have anything terribly exciting to say. But I often find myself in the computer lab with nothing to do but studying, and really I can only e-mail my friends with mindless babble so many times...

So now I can just babble to MYSELF, and leave it open to whoever wants to read it. I'll have to be careful about what I do and don't say...

Now I'm on my way to the music building to practice until it is time for studio class, in which I am not playing, because my recital is done, and I don't have to do an assesment at the end of the term. Both of those things are nice, at the same time kind of sad. I'm working on new music, and I'm having fun with it, but I feel kind of stuck, like I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be focusing on. I need to practice as much as I can because I'm nowhere near where I want to be, yet I'm supposed to be looking into grad schools, which always feels like a waste of time, because I really have NO idea what I'm looking for. My poor teacher can only help me so much, and at this point I feel like I'm in one of those dreams where you are trying to run, and your legs are moving, but then you realize you are still in the same place.

Anyways, that's my tangent for the day. I'm going to try to make friends with someone who can tell me how to make it so people can post comments.

Have a beautiful day!